Woke up this morning, and realized that it has been 6 months. I still remember the day when I stood by the bed, looking at the person who has accompanied me for almost all of my life, wondering what else I still had to say to him… I was calm, perhaps numb. In a way, I was bracing myself for it to happen; it was just a matter of time. I forgot to even say goodbye when he drew his last breath. Then, did anyone else remember?
Of course, those few days after that were the worst, when everything started to sink in. It came to my realization that, no longer do I have the chance to buy him his favourite food, to sit with him at the dinner table, to watch TV together. Ever. I think back of the last time I bought him the jumbo Alaskan snow crab legs to eat. He was so weak, he had barely a spoonful. In the end, I ate the rest myself. And it tasted really bad. Put me off snow crab legs forever.
Perhaps the crab legs did not taste that bad. I just did not have the right company.
It is often said that time can heal an aching heart. I hope that this is true. My senses will prevail eventually, I guess. Maybe I just need a little more time...
"Sing us a song
A song to keep us warm
There's such a chill, such a chill."